Hairy situations: The bald facts:

In breaking news it has been revealed that barbers in a town in Wiltshire in the UK will be trained “to talk to customers about their well-being in a bid to improve men’s mental health”.

A spokesperson for the Swindon borough council said that the initiative would help men and boys “feel comfortable opening up about their emotional well-being” while getting their hair cut.

It used to be that men opened up about these matters while getting a drink at their local pub and complaining about their troubles to the long-suffering bartender. 

Unlike the Swindon barbers these people have no formal training, so the advice was likely to be, “No worries, mate, have another double Bell’s with a beer chaser and you will feel better.”

The main problem with the alcohol consumption solution is there are good drunks and there are bad drunks. The “good” drunks drape their arms over your shoulders, talk loudly and laugh excessively at the lame jokes they keep repeating.

The “bad” drunks also talk loudly but they become aggressive and argumentative, which often leads to fighting. And their behaviour, when they eventually stagger home, means they add to the shocking statistics of gender-based violence in South Africa.

So, some emotional well-being advice from a friendly barber does sound like a good idea. 

Since the Covid-19 pandemic, my regular number-two cut has been administered at home, so I have no idea whether the local barbers would be any good at giving advice on mental health problems.

I have been told Ali the Barber in our neighbourhood, master of the fade, is always keen to know about the romantic entanglements of his customers. 

But the advice he gives doesn’t seem to be suitable for any of his more enlightened customers. And if his counsel is not heeded, a painful session of eyebrow threading might be thrown in.

The guy who wields his clippers in a shady spot on the pavement, and specialises in the chiskop, might have some wise words to offer but they are likely to be rooted in the more traditional idea of mental health issues.

The main stumbling block here is that it is actually the lack of hair that is most damaging to the mental health of many men. 

Hair loss seems to lead directly to loss of self-esteem and from there to desperate measures to hide the rapidly receding hair.

The hairdressers at the pricey salons do their best for their customers’ emotional well-being by artfully using what hair is left to cover the gaps. Others choose to sacrifice their dignity and go for the ridiculous “rug” option. And there are those brave baldheads who opt for implants. 

Those with limited budgets — or who are just plain misguided — resort to the dreaded “comb over”. Long strands of the remaining hair are trained to trail across the gaping expanse of baldness. No names of politicians will be mentioned here.

This is all so unnecessary, because the best tactic is to embrace the hair loss and make it your own. A buzz cut of the remaining hair can be a powerful look.

Look no further than Jason Statham, my favourite action-movie hero, who can do more damage with some cutlery than fully-armed Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger combined. And if stubble was a weapon, he would be even more lethal than he already is.

Statham’s mastery of the “minimal dialogue, maximum brute force” movie genre is enhanced by his glowering , bald-headed, permanently five o’clock-shadowed demeanor. 

So, loss of hair can just be brushed aside. The more prickly problem is that, with advancing age and as the hair on the head recedes, it starts appearing in places where it really doesn’t belong.

Women can stop reading here because they will scoff at complaints about issues they have been dealing with their whole lives. 

But we are talking about places more awkward than armpits or legs. There is little more unattractive than nostrils and ears sprouting a thicket of hairs.

There is, of course, a whole industry involved in the various methods of getting rid of these unwanted hairs. I have seen videos of the waxing procedure for removing ear and nose hairs and, really, I would rather be stabbed by Jason Statham with a fork.

This discussion has been limited to body parts generally visible when fully clothed and I haven’t ventured “down below”. The removal of hair from these regions could be perceived as more dangerous for men, particularly those still learning how to master the shaving of their chins. 

I have heard some hair-raising stories of mishaps with electric razors, which have ended with embarrassing visits to a doctor.

The conclusion here is that, whatever the issue with hair is, it is just so irritating and time-consuming. 

My mental health and emotional well-being would be much better served by lying on the couch watching reruns of the movies in the Barbershop series. Who better to offer mental health guidance than Ice Cube, Cedric the Entertainer and Nicki Minaj?

– The Mail & Guardian

Cryptic Crossword JDE 478:

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– The Mail & Guardian

Angélique Kidjo still sings with purpose:

It’s the first day of the Abu Dhabi Culture Summit and I am sitting, along with about 100 other people, in the main auditorium of the Manarat Al Saadiyat in the capital of the United Arab Emirates for a special performance. The one and only Angélique Kidjo is here.

On a small stage on the right of the circular auditorium, the legendary Beninese-French singer-songwriter speaks to the CEO of The Recording Academy Harvey Mason Jr about her music and impact. But this is just a precursor for what we have all come to see.

It’s not long before Kidjo springs to her feet and launches into a medley of some of her greatest hits — with the support of Togolese guitarist Amen Viana and French-Lebanese trumpeter Ibrahim Maalouf.

At first, the crowd is dead quiet, observing the performance as though they aren’t witnessing one of the finest musicians Africa has ever produced. “Are we in a library or a concert?” I wonder out loud. 

But it’s a summit that has far more panel discussions and keynote speeches on the programme than it does music performances, so I shouldn’t be surprised that everybody is taking themselves way too seriously.

Kidjo isn’t deterred. She performs with the energy and vitality of a rollicking sold-out show, her voice soaring and, slowly but surely, she shakes the audience out of its slumber.

Enticing us into a call-and-response, initially only a handful heed the invitation to collaborate on her choruses but, gradually, more and more voices join in the celebration and the volume of the music grows. 

As the sound rises, people rise to their feet. Now we’re talking. It takes only 10 minutes to go from folded arms and solemn faces to hand clapping, feet stomping, rhythm swaying and chanting in harmony.

Kidjo is singing at the top of her voice, and moving with the careless abandon of a woman who knows joy — pure, unfiltered, boundless joy. That’s the reason that she can still perform with such vitality at 64 years of age and still tours, performing at venues across the world.

“Performing is the thing I like the most,” she tells me. “I don’t like studios. I mean, to me, the studio is a way to get on tour. 

“That’s what I grew up doing. I started singing on stage at six years old, so I got the virus for performing early.”

In a few hours, she’ll get on a plane to New York to perform at the hallowed concert venue Carnegie Hall. But, for a few precious minutes, I get to speak to Kidjo in her backstage dressing room alongside Jean Hebrail, her husband and musical collaborator of over 40 years.

The impact of her music has spanned generations and earned her accolades including five Grammy awards. 

But perhaps even more impressive is the list of fellow musicians she’s collaborated with which includes Carlos Santana, Peter Gabriel, Alicia Keys, Branford Marsalis, Herbie Hancock, Josh Groban and Ziggy Marley.

Hebrail shows me a video clip of Kidjo performing with Mama Africa herself, the late great Miriam Makeba, at a concert in 2006. The image of the two icons joyously singing Makeba’s classic song Malaika is magical. Yes, Ms Kidjo is loved across the world — but she belongs to Africa first and foremost.

“If I was not born in Africa, I don’t think I would be the artist I am,” she says. “I never deny the place where I am from. We have our issues. We have our problems. But I was born in Africa for a reason. And that reason, I don’t know. 

“I’m just proud of who I am. Everywhere I go, every time I’m on stage, I always stand knowing where I come from and carrying the African continent on my shoulders.”

More recently, Kidjo has collaborated with younger artists like Burna Boy, Mr Eazi, Yemi Alade, EarthGang and Blue Lab Beats. I ask her how these collaborations — which run the gamut from Nigerian Afrobeats artists to a British jazz duo and an Atlanta-based hip-hop group — came about.

“I’m always listening to music and keeping my ear out for new artists that excite me,” she says. “Sometimes I receive a DM and I say, ‘Okay, let’s do this. Send me the song.’ 

“It’s always about the song. How is the song we’re making going to help us tell a compelling story that’s going to outlive us? A story that’s going to form part of the heritage of the next generation. 

I’m always available for any young artist that wants to do something compelling but you have to work hard because I won’t work with you if your song isn’t good and if it’s not going to lift you up to the next level. 

“I’m not doing stuff to please you. I’m doing it because I want you to elevate yourself. And when you get there, pass it on to the next generation,” she says.

Kidjo is deeply concerned about passing on the knowledge and wisdom to younger generations and leaving behind a world they can be proud to inherit. 

No wonder she has done so much work advocating for social issues. She’s been a Unicef Goodwill Ambassador for more than 20 years and she founded the Batonga Foundation, a non-profit promoting education and leadership for girls in different parts of Africa.

She’s been a strong advocate for climate justice, refugee rights and global education; her music has been used in UN campaigns and she has addressed the General Assembly calling for more to be done to reduce child mortality rates.

While her contributions as a musician are incredible, Kidjo will be remembered for more than her work as an artist. I ask her what the word “legacy” means to her.

“Well, I didn’t start doing music thinking about legacy or being rich,” she says. “That was not the core of what I wanted to do. 

“When I was a little girl I was taught that, when you are given a gift of voice and song, or whatever gift you’re given by nature, if it serves you, you have to use it to serve other people. If it makes you happy, you have to share that happiness with others.

“It’s not for me to keep my voice to myself; I need to share it with the largest amount of people I can. So, that was the foundation I started on and that’s still how I function today. I am always at the service of a song. My desire is to give something to others, not to keep it to myself. 

“So, for me, the word “legacy” is not something I think about at all because, as long as I still have my health and a voice, and I can go out there and have fun on stage and make people happy, that’s my salary. 

“That’s what gives me the strength to go through horrendous hours of travelling around the world, just to be on that stage …”

What lingers most is not just Kidjo’s voice, or even her accolades, but the sheer force of spirit she brings to every room she enters. On that stage in Abu Dhabi, she didn’t just sing — she ignited something in all of us. She reminded us, through movement and music, that joy is a powerful form of resistance and connection.

It’s the same joy that has propelled her through over four decades of global touring, collaborations and advocacy, and the same joy she insists on sharing with those she mentors. 

A woman who knows the meaning of joy — Kidjo does more than merely perform, she rises to the occasion, makes the most of her gifts and selflessly shares her voice with others. In the process, she invites us all to rise with her.

– The Mail & Guardian

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